Pass?

When I went out the other day, I’m not sure that my goal was to pass as female. Yes, I was wearing 100% female clothing, I’d styled my hair to look more feminine than it usually does and I was wearing make up, but I’m not convinced that my goal was to “pass”.

My goal was to wear clothes that I liked, to feel free to wear them and to look good, regardless or not of whether I looked female. If I did, that was merely a coincidence, a happy accident. I think I’d rather people looked and stared and questioned what I was wearing than simply passing by them unnoticed.

This was something I’d never considered before this week. I think I’d always thought that “passing” would be the goal, but it seems that it wasn’t. I’m not a woman, I’m not trying to be a woman, I just want to wear interesting and fabulous clothes!

I see myself as between genders – gender fluid – and I want my style to reflect that, to be what I call “genderblur™” – a challenging mix of the male and female – so if that means presenting myself as a “bloke in a dress” then maybe that’s what I want to do!

I’m not comfortable with the terms “transvestite” or “cross-dresser” to describe myself. To me those represent a sexual aspect, which I really don’t feel. I love clothes, especially female clothes – the colours, the materials, the textures, especially those ones that rarely feature in male clothing.

My mother asked my the other day when she saw me with my longer hair and painted nails, “What are you supposed to be?” and I just said, “I’m just me, I’m not supposed to be anyone or anything else.”

So, while it’s great that I may well “pass” for female, that’s not my goal. I just want to be me.