Anxiety

Social anxiety sucks.

I’ve arranged to celebrate my birthday with some work friends tomorrow – we’re going for a meal at TGI Friday, and then some of us are going on to Popworld for a while. I’ve wanted to arrange something for this Big Birthday for a year or so, and I finally got around to sorting it out. It should be a great night, so why do I feel so anxious?

Am I worried that no-one will turn up, despite confirming to me many times that they will? Am I worried that people will leave early, that they’ve only said they’ll come and disappear as soon as they can? Am I worried that I’ll look silly, that I’ll wear the wrong thing? Am I worried that people won’t have a good time? Am I worried that I won’t have a good time because I’ll be so worried? Will I be the only one drinking? And if that’s the case, why is that a problem?

The answer to all these things is yes.

I’d love to be a sociable person, I just don’t think I’m very good at it. I like the idea of parties and going out and having fun, but I just can’t get the hang of it. Or so I think. Maybe I can, maybe I should stop worrying and just enjoy myself…