It’s the 20th of April, and I’m two thirds of the way through my self-imposed No New Clothes Month, and it’s so difficult!
I feel I have a small shopping problem, so every now and then, I make myself take a break and try and have a month without buying any new clothes or shoes. (When I say, new, I mean new to me, so that includes Vinted and charity shops, both of which are treacherous, trap-filled goldmines!) If I don’t take a break once in a while, I start to feel out of control, so I need to take a step back and breathe.
Before I came out, I never had this particular shopping addiction – in the past it was always magazines, or books, or anything with the magic words, STAR WARS printed on it, but never clothes. Clothes were just body coverings and I rarely strayed beyond the male uniform of jeans and t-shirts (either Star Wars or Pop Will Eat Itself). I hated shirts and never wore anything patterned – and definitely no florals!
But since I’ve embraced the gender fluid side of me, and more especially my preference for the trans-feminine, I’ve unashamedly fallen in love with clothes. I love patterns, florals, bright colours (Snag tights!), mini, midi and maxi dresses and skirts, boots and shoes of all heel sizes, and I’m addicted to hunting new things down. I get an idea in my head of an outfit I’d like and then I’m off, scouring online and bricks-and-mortar shops, trawling supermarket sale rails, looking for the thing that matches my inspiration, (and usually getting disappointed…)
I don’t know whether my clothes shopping is an addiction or not. It’s true that I have a compulsion to go shopping for clothes, but I don’t always come away with new purchases. I enjoy the activity of shopping, of browsing through the blouses and dresses. It feels to me like an affirmation of my gender, and an expression of my gender. I now have the confidence to openly shop in women’s shops and even to try things on in the fitting rooms, whereas before I did feel like the creepy bloke hanging around.
It is a tricky thing to impose discipline on myself, when the world seems driven to make me spend! If it’s not the constant barrage of “hey, did you want this?” and other promo emails from ASOS, Boohoo, New Look, H&M and all the rest, it’s 20% off vouchers for 2 hours or clearance sales in-store (by the way, please organise sale rails by size, ta!) or even 25% off one item because you’re a valued customer! It’s relentless, and I have taken to unsubscribing from some mailing lists because it’s everyday… Capitalism, eh?
Clothes have become my hobby, my creative outlet. For some reason I find it hard to sit down and write, or draw or do anything else at the moment other than scroll endlessly through Vinted, looking for deals and bundles (because you might as well save on postage, eh?) I like to spend the little time I have to myself being fabulous, or searching for things to express my fabulousity…
It’s hard for me to restrict myself, but I know I have to, or else we’ll never move house and I’ll run out of room to store all my clothes…
Positively Catie 