One of the things that I’ve been thinking about over the last few years – because who isn’t continually questioning their gender – is whether or not my fluidity is just a kink. (This is also something that transphobes believe too, that a trans woman is nothing more than a “bloke in a dress” who does it just for the sexual kick…)
I don’t think it is “just a kink” for me. I can’t be spending the whole day in a state of sexual fervour just because I’m wearing a denim skirt and tights at work. For one thing, I’d never get any work done, and quite frankly, I’m too old and tired for all that…
That’s not to say I don’t appreciate the fetishistic angle of the whole situation, but that comes from the clothes I like rather than the act of wearing them. I have always been attracted to traditionally kinky clothes – ones that are tight and shiny, like latex, PVC and leather. I love high heels and high boots and corsets and fishnets. I get turned on exactly the same way that a woman might turned on by wearing such clothes, but that’s not what my gender fluidity is about.
For me, my gender is expressed by the clothes I wear. The clothes themselves don’t have a gender, they’re just pieces of material, but I feel just as comfortable, if not more comfortable, in “women’s” clothing. I prefer the cut, I prefer the materials, I prefer the colours of more feminine styles. I enjoy the sensuality of the clothing. I wear the clothes to feel sexy, but the act of wearing the clothes is not a sexual thing.
My everyday girl-mode clothing is just what I choose to feel good, to look good (I hope). I don’t wear it to get a sexual thrill, but I do feel sexier than I ever do in boy-mode.
Positively Catie 