I’ve been feeling a bit down recently. I’m going back to work on Monday after nearly 4 weeks off in Lockdown 2.0 and I’m not looking forward to it, not just because it’s going to be three weeks of hell (I work in retail) but also because I feel like I’ve wasted all the time I’ve had off work this year, after all, it’s not many years you get 4 paid months off work…
I don’t feel like I’ve done anything useful. I always say I’m going to write, or I’m going to do art, and apart from a few iPad sketches, I’ve done bugger all!
But, after a moan on Twitter, I started to think about everything I have done this year, and it’s probably more than I thought it was…
- Come out as gender fluid. OK, I’ve not exactly shouted it out on Facebook to all my friends and family, but I have admitted it to myself, my wife (not impressed), son (non-plussed), and a security guard at work. I’ve said it out loud and although it may not have had the impact and end result I’d like, it’s still a big step…
- Worn nail polish in public. Eddie Izzard has said that this is his badge of being transgender, and I totally get that. Wearing nail polish in otherwise boy-mode can be a signal that what you see isn’t exactly what you get. I’ve got quite a collection of colours to wear now, I’m just waiting for my flaking nails to recover a bit…
- Gone out in girl-mode. I suppose this is quite a major thing, something that a lot of closeted people haven’t done and yet I’ve done it twice (and I’m going to try to do it again before the end of the year). I’ve been in the position this year that I can’t be in girl-mode at home, so I decided to do what I could do!
- Had my helix pierced. This is something I wanted to do for a while, and I think it won’t be the last. I want another a bit lower down my ear and to get my lobes done too…
- Growing my hair. I’d already started growing the hair on the top of my head last year, but the first lockdown gave me the opportunity to grow the rest of it. I just need to work out a suitable gender fluid style (and a hairdresser to give it to me!)
Thinking about it, I’ve done loads, but I still feel like I haven’t. Part of my obsessive personality is that I want it all and I want it now. Baby steps aren’t something I normally do, if I want something I normally storm straight in and get it – hence my shopping addiction, which used to be for everything Star Wars related, but now is dresses and bodysuits and boots and and and…
So, it’ll soon be 2021, who knows what’s going to happen in the next year?
Positively Catie 